A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
Your Zygomaticus Major is the best thing that I have witnessed.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
Hey what’s your favourite dessert? Mine’s e-Clairs
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
“Having kids makes you look stable to the people who thought you were crazy and crazy to the people who thought you were stable.” – Kelly Oxford
We had an argument on our way back from the tournament. Our position is that their goal was stopping ours.
What do you call a clever duck?
A wise quacker.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
"In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom."
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
I seen my father pouring chicken soup over his compost yesterday
I suppose chicken soup IS good for the soil.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
Football is one habit I will never kick.
What does a Greek machine need to work?
Greece.
The last time I saw a body like yours, I was burying it in my basement.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Make love, not war.
Or if you want to do both – get married!
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
Hi, my name's Pogo. Wanna ride on my stick?
What did the man say after spending hours skiing?
"I'm starving, can I avalanche?"
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because it was a zebra crossing.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
Girl you are like the sweet song of a choir.
Did you see that all the snow and ice are melting?
I thaw!
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
"Nobel Prize for Mothers"
Mom, you are a shining star
Though the world doesn't know your name.
You have no fancy title
Like Baroness or Dame.
Mom, you really are a star,
My mother, mentor, and friend.
A Nobel Prize for motherhood,
Is what I'd recommend!
And if I won the lottery
I'd share my win with you
I'd take you Mom on a spending spree
Each day the whole year through!
You may not be famous,
As your face is known to few.
But Mom I think you are wonderful
And I'm so proud of you!
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
The mountain got promoted because he was at the peak of his career!
Your name must be Andromeda because we are destined to collide.
At first I thought my therapy for Stockholm syndrome was bad for me.
But now I kind of like it.
Go to BabaMail
