Are you British?
Cuz you just colonised my heart.
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”
Zach Galifianakis
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
"Fun"
I love to hear a lobster laugh,
Or see a turtle wiggle,
Or poke a hippopotamus
And see the monster giggle,
Or even stand around at night
And watch the mountains wriggle.
– Leroy F. Jackson
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
It’s snow joke.
What do you say when you are happy with how life has been weeks before Easter? It’s so far been an egg-cellent spring.
What’s a buck’s least favorite sandwich bread?
Sour doe.
Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
There once was a bad ghoulish goblin.
Thump, thump on a crutch he was hobblin’.
It was Halloween night.
He dared to give a fright.
But he fell to the ground; he was wobblin’.
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
How to scare kids away in the night
Want to give them a really big fright?
Go hide in the closet
They'll leave a deposit
When the boogieman busts out tonight.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
What would the greatest hockey player in history be called if he would have chosen not to play hockey?
Wayne Regretzky
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Are you a train? Because I want to be the light at the end of your tunnel.
“Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.”
– Joyce Armor.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
Do you prefer stiff or limp fishing rods?
Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
Because it's a little meteor.
Did you invent the airplane? ‘Cause, you seem Wright to me.
What is the worst type of blind people?
The Notsees.
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
There is a German shepherd next door that keeps burying bones in my yard and taking poops on my flower bed.
His dog is not as bad.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
Most of your players never make it out of the lower-level tournaments. I highly doubt their Futures as a professional.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
What's a ghost with a broken leg called? A hoblin goblin.
"I'm dyeing to know what's up."
Jonathan Swift
If at first you don’t succeed . . . so much for skydiving.
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
How did the hamburger introduce his wife?
"Meet Patty."
Hide in the kitchen, hide in the hall. I will catch you.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Go to BabaMail
