Are you a cat? Because you're purrrrrfect.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
Sleigh queen, sleigh.
I’m Hazel-nuts about you
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Why is marriage like a nice suit? At first it's a perfect fit, but after a while you need alterations.
What kind of man can you actually change?
The ones still in diapers.
The was a Young Lady of Bute,
Who played on a silver-gilt flute;
She played several jigs,
To her uncle's white pigs,
That amusing Young Lady of Bute.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with ‘once upon a time’?
No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with ‘If elected, I promise...’
"Did you hear how the baker proposed to his girlfriend?"
"Yeah, he told her he loafed her more than life itself"
"No, he actually told her how much he kneaded her"
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighbor’s yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.
She would have had a cow.
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
Sun to Earth, on the night of 31st December:
"Let's have another round, shall we?"
How does a Ghost say good-bye? - I can’t wait to seance you again.
If I had a dollar for every time someone tried to get me to join a pyramid scheme… Then two of my friends would have a dollar and two of their friends EACH would have had two dollars. And the guy above them? He’d get tons of dollars.
I went into my art lesson covered in yeast and flour...
My teacher said, I'm the perfect roll model.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
I’m browsing the winter-net.
What did the flower say when he wanted a second chance?
I’ll grow on you.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
What does someone mean by a light year? The same as a regular year, but with less calories and fat.
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
There was a Young Lady whose bonnet,
Came untied when the birds sate upon it;
But she said: 'I don't care!
All the birds in the air
Are welcome to sit on my bonnet!'
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.”
– Carl Reiner
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
There once was a girl named Sam
Who did not eat roast beef and ham
She ate a green apple
Then drank some Snapple
Some say she eats like a lamb.
Finding Bigfoot will be no small feat.
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
Girl are we doing high altitude training because you just took my breath away!
“Never make your favorite song the alarm for Monday morning; you’ll hate it for years.”
Do you know where in a hospital the invisible man can't hide?
The ICU.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
What do you call a clever duck?
A wise quacker.
Let me sell you an indulgence because it's a sin to look as good as you do.
Why couldn't anyone see the flamingo? It was in de skies.
Nice wrapping but I need to inspect it.
Boy, are you Elvis Presley? Because lord almighty I feel my temperature rising
Don't get tide down.
I'm researching the most common digits in phone numbers. What's your number?
Go to BabaMail
