What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Hey how’s it going? Ben jammin’ much today?
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
Why can't T-Rex's clap their hands?
Because they're extinct.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
My doctor told me I have a Vitamin D deficiency. Wanna go back to my place and save me?
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
My lips are like skittles. Wanna taste the rainbow?
Why was everyone shocked when the fruit fly's girlfriend agreed to marry him?
Because the pair had only ever been on rotten dates.
Our backstage manager is leaving at the end of the year. He has been an outstanding member of our theatre team.
Props to him.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
Why did Neil Armstrong pee right after he made his first step on the moon?
He wanted to go where no man had gone before.
Are you a phone? Because I want to hold you in my hands all day and ignore the rest of the world while I stare at you alone in my bedroom.
Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call ‘FINE PRINT’!
My grandfather had the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Central Park Zoo.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Prepare to be bowled over.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
You have been running through my mind all day.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Is it a full moon? Because I feel a tidal pull toward your heavenly body.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
"It's wine o'clock."
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
My feelings for you are Mont-real.
You are sweeter than 3.14.
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
Chester Cheetah chews a chunk of cheep cheddar cheese.
I used to fear giants.
Now I look up to them.
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
I wish your name was Avogadro because then I would already know your number.
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
What do you call an elderly Spanish man?
A senõr citizen.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
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