Hey beautiful! Your face is like a moon. Always glowing.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
A little less conversation, a little more action please.
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
Please stop with all the corona jokes.
I‘m sick of it.
Chester Cheetah chews a chunk of cheep cheddar cheese.
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
Can I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
Did you hear about the happy cannon balls?
They just got married and I hear they’re already expecting some BBs.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I‘m no photographer, but I can picture us running together.
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
Propranolol is red, digoxin is blue. My heart skips a beat when I see you.
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
Do you have to leave so soon? I was just going to poison your drink.
Man in a cinema watching a cowboy film.
A stagecoach pulls up, man 1 turns to his neighbour and says "I bet you a tenner that the first cowboy bangs his head on the doorframe." Man 2 accepts the bet. The first guy out banged his head so man 2 pays up.
Man 1 feels guilty and gives back the tenner, says "I'm sorry, I saw this film last week, it made me feel bad taking your money."
Man 2 says "So did I, but I didn't think he'd be daft enough to do it again."
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat.
The government hates competition.
I like my matches like my tennis balls: Pressureless.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
Summer's over; it's time to chill.
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
You're such a TEAse.
Go to BabaMail
