What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
Wanna go back to my igloo and cuddle?
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
"True love is singing karaoke 'Under Pressure' and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part." Mindy Kaling
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Why did the clown cross the road?
To retrieve his rubber chicken.
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
Why don't women blink during se*? There isn't enough time.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
Irish I may, Irish I might.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
One trick peony.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
I bought a 400 year-old chair from Italy,
but as soon as I sat on it, it baroque.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Why would a cow want to go to space? To see the Milky Way.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
Why do dinosaurs eat their food raw? Cause they don't know how to cook
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
I would like to end this sentence with a proposition.
If I am a GPS, will you take me running every day?
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
What Do You Call Two Ducks And A Cow?
Quakers and milk.
Why did Mr. and Mrs. Barnacle go to couples' counselling?
Because their marriage was the rocks.
What’s the capital of France?
The F.
What's made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
Trombones.
What do you call a werewolf that's found the cure for lycanthropy?
A lycan'tthrope.
What was wrong with the deer’s smile?
He had buck teeth.
A rare black tiger is spotted in India
Everywhere else it has stripes.
Your treat or mine?
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers!
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
"There's no bunny like you."
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
What a spud muffin.
Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
I just got some mistletoe, how about we go back to my place and try it out?
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
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