I froze some raspberries last summer. You're hot enough to defrost them.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
"Granny"
Through every nook and every cranny
The wind blew in on poor old Granny
Around her knees, into each ear
(And up her nose as well, I fear)
All through the night, the wind grew worse
It nearly made the vicar curse
The top had fallen off the steeple
Just missing him (and other people)
It blew on man, it blew on beast
It blew on nun, it blew on priest
It blew the wig off Auntie Fanny-
But most of all, it blew on Granny!
– Spike Milligan
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
Where do ski instructors keep their money?
In the local snow bank.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
You can forget about winning, princess. Because even Cinderella can’t get to this ball.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
Basketball is the only sport where the basket is filled but never gets full.
There are so much beautiful sceneries near the river valleys. They are totally gorges.
Roses are red, pizza sauce is too,
I ordered a large one, I’m not sharing with you.
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
Hey babe, wanna make a zygote?
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
You sweep me off my feet!
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
- Rita Rudner
Can birds sell cereal to children?
I don't know if one can, but toucan.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
Are you a bookmark? Because I keep rereading the pages you are on!
I had a job directing an elementary school theater production.
It wasn't hard work, after all, it was child's play.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
Is your name Summer? It has to be, because you're hot!
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
What did the deer’s mother say to her daughter on her birthday?
“I remember the day you were fawn!”
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Can I give you a hug to show you how soft my sweater is?
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
Pepperoni is red, cheese is food
I like pizza
How about you?
(Justin Worthy)
My son asked today “ Dad, are people in Spain cannibals?”
I answered “Why would you think that?”
He said “Well, my teacher said they mostly live off of tourists there.”
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What's a fetus's favorite craft?
Embryoidery.
A black bloke's back brake-block broke.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” - Henry Youngman
Why did Iron Man sleep outside when it rained?
To get some rust.
I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the
Spanish Ink Quiz Session.
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