Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’d rather be single,
Than with someone like you
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
My space ship is ready. Wanna ride?
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
Breaking a leg during an audition...
Ensures that you end up in the cast.
What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur ? Long distance!
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
After the doctor finished up with my prostrate exam the nurse came in and said three words I didn’t want to hear...
“Who was that?”
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
First, a tractor.
Why do I want raisins when you are my only grape? Let's have some wine.
The little boy autumn-bled over the pile of fallen leaves and yellow-d for help.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
There is no theory of evolution.
Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
Are you a Frappuccino? Because I want to be that whipped cream on the top.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
Do you have the power of a volcano? Because I lava you!
I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin time to give you a kiss.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
Honey, are you a drummer? Because you can make my heart skip a beat.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
How do you kiss someone at the end of the world?
On the apoca-lips.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
Who else is a famous barnyard painter?
Pablo PIGcaso
It's a-boat time for a holiday!
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
How much will $20 get me?
Are you French? I want to take a french kiss from you.
You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
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