What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
I have successfully managed to synthesize a protein that makes two people fall in love. Do you want to try it?
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Dewey.
Dewey who?
Dewey have to use a condom?
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.
There would be mass confusion.
Are you sugar? Because I want you in everything I have.
Hey the cyclist, can I take you for a spin on my handlebars?
Stolen Prosthetic Arm Discovered in a Secondhand Shop.
How many eyes does a spider have? Doesn't matter, cause all of them are on you.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Why was everyone shocked when the fruit fly's girlfriend agreed to marry him?
Because the pair had only ever been on rotten dates.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
Hey, baby, you’re not Paradise Lost, you’re Paradise Regained.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
Is your Spotify working? Because I would love you to join my family plan.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Is that a fugue I can hear? Because we’re about to get entangled
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
Are you a singularity? Not only are you attractive, but the closer I get to you, the faster time seems to slip by.
Q. What did the witch get when she crossed a doe with a tornado?
A. A whirling deer-vish.
Why do doctors slap babies' bums right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
"Room with a View"
I live in a room by the sea,
where the view is great and the food is free.
Some of the tenants come and go.
Some I eat, if they’re too slow.
One end of me is firmly locked.
The other end just gently rocks.
I live in a room by the sea.
It’s perfect for an anemone.
– Stephen Swinburne
Please, please me
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock-knock jokes!
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
I saw some leprechauns putting coins in the vending machine but in vain. They were using lepre-coins.
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?
FORE!
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
Which local sportswriters are most effusive? Those who work in the praise
box!
“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” Willie Sutton.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
You're like my favourite chocolate bar - half sweet and half nuts!
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
Go to BabaMail
