My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
I only date blind people. It's the only way to make sure they're not seeing other lovers.
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
You must be from Prague, because I can't help but Czech you out.
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny left his treasure
Eggs marks the spot.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
A hot dog.
My dad always said, “Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
What do lawn ornaments do over winter break? Go gnome for the holidays.
“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.” —Jay Leno
Where do robots go for fun?
The circuits.
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
If you are going to sleep, I wish you suite dreams.
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
I put the “man” in Manitoba.
Knock knock
Who's there?
To.
To who?
Surely you mean to whom.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I can’t rhyme,
Banana
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
How does a volleyball team welcome their new neighbors? With a block party.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
My Japanese dentist became a woman.
He’s a trans zen dentalist.
That skeleton over there wanted to ask you for your number, but, unlike me, he didn’t have the guts
“Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale." ~Zig Ziglar
You know what really bugs me?
Insect puns.
What kind of pasta do skeletons enjoy eating the most?
Elbow macaroni.
"You make me egg-static."
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
Where's the best place to hide a body?
Page two of Google.
Go to BabaMail
