Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
There was an Old Person of Tring,
Who embellished his nose with a ring;
Ha gazed at the moon
Every evening in June,
That ecstatic Old Person in Tring.
I'm a good basketball handler, what about you?
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
You are more beautiful then all the fireworks tonight.
They say marriage is like a workshop. Where the man works and the women shops.
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
Why do leaves change color in the fall? Because they want to leaf their old color.
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Warning! Do not look at the sun through a colander.
You'll strain your eyes.
What do you call it when the preacher passes gas during his sermon?
A blast from the pastor.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2.
Still to this day, he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
It's a nice night for a white rice fight.
Could you tell me the oxidation state of this atom and your phone number?
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
Brianna-st, on a scale of 1-10, how perfect was that pun?
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
I'd like to practice some of my penalty kicks with you.
You don't need reflective gear, darling. Who could ever miss you?
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Aldo.
Aldo who?
Aldo anything for you.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
Without you, I’m like a null set… Empty.
My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving Day jokes.
I told them I couldn’t stop cold turkey
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Excuse me, could you point me toward the Self-Help section? I need some advice on how to approach a gorgeous guy in a bookstore without seeming creepy.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
Why are conspiracy theories are like moon landings?
Because they're all fake.
What did the beaver say to the other beaver? I love you like no otter.
"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."
“On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.” —William Jennings Bryan
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
“You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
I’ve been looking for you, and I hope you’re as sweet as jelly beans.
“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” —Stephen Leacock
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
You never realize how time flies when you are not wearing a watch on a plane.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes
So she gave me a hug!!!
What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress? Rep. Tile!
Go to BabaMail
