The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides?
So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
Witch you were here.
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Isabell.
Isabell who?
Is a bell working?
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What do vampires use when baking cakes?
Batter.
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What do lawn ornaments do over winter break? Go gnome for the holidays.
Birthdays are sometimes hard to observe
Many people think they are for the birds.
Well, when I look at your age
I can see why you are at that stage.
Where did the years go
Another birthday, oh no
It only seemed like yesterday
We celebrated your birthday.
Oh who cares about age
Don't let it discourage
Be happy and just say
It is just another day!
(Catherine Pulsifer)
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
Are you tired? Because you’ve been Aaron-ing through my mind all day
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What did the period say to the sentence? We better stop now!
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
Where is a basketball player's favorite place to eat?
Dunkin' Donuts
Are you my phone charger? Because without you, I’d die
I was thinking whether I should write you or not.. but honestly, there isn’t Hannah-other better choice than to
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby."
- Natalie Wood.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”—Katherine Hepburn
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Why should a bowling alley be quiet?
So you can hear a pin drop!
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.
Sincerely, your service provider.
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the
Spanish Ink Quiz Session.
I won't take no for an answer. I'm having Nunavut.
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