Are you from Canada? Because if you're wondering if you can go out on a date with me, well, you CAN–UH-DUH!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Ike.
Ike who?
Ike can rock your world, baby.
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
There was an Old Man of Nepaul,
From his horse had a terrible fall;
But, though split quite in two,
By some very strong glue,
They mended that Man of Nepaul.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?
The hip replacement guy!
Some roses are red
Some violets are blue
Some say love is blind
And I know this is true
If you think this is a lie
Just look at me and you
I could have dated myself
But instead I chose to love you
(Anonymous)
During holidays, soccer referees send their families yellow cards.
Stop Stalin and let’s hook up.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
Are you a firework?! Because your lighting up my eyes.
I threw water on a flamingo the other day
Now it's just an O.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
There was an Old Person whose habits,
Induced him to feed upon rabbits;
When he'd eaten eighteen,
He turned perfectly green,
Upon which he relinquished those habits.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
How do Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code!
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
“Always hike with someone in worse shape than you. The bears out there will know.”
What genre of music do elves love to listen to? Wrap.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend
But it was just my imaginasian.
I only like smooth leather
and my opinion will never be suede.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
Hey girl, I won't be able to see you for the next few weeks.
I'm giving up sweet things for Lent.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
Lots of guilt to share.
What am I doing wrong now?
A Jewish mother.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory."
Friend: "What did he do?"
Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby."
- Natalie Wood.
Two behaviorists make love. When they are done, one turns to the other and says: "That was good for you. Was it good for me?"
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Lets unzip our genes and see if we can share codes together.
You don't need an international ticket to get duty free with me.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
“A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.”
– Markus Zusak
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