How rude-olf of you.
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
Nice asteroids.
Why can you never use a serve receive pattern against a sniper? They’d all start running for cover.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
“If summer had one defining scent, it’d definitely be the smell of barbecue.”
— Katie Lee
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
If you must cross a course cross cow across a crowded cow crossing, cross the cross coarse cow across the crowded cow crossing carefully.
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”
- Phyllis Diller.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” — Red Skelton
What car make did the Apostles drive?
Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
Hey, baby, you’re not Paradise Lost, you’re Paradise Regained.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don't like The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi dooooo.
Are you from South England? Cause you Brighton up my day
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web."
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Roses are red
Violets are blue,
Coffee is bitter
And so are you.
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he likes cool music...
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
“I bought a new jacket for a hiking trip. It’s called a trail blazer.”
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
One should always practice what they peach.
There was a Young Lady of Turkey,
Who wept when the weather was murky;
When the day turned out fine,
She ceased to repine,
That capricious Young Lady of Turkey.
What do you get when you run behind a car?
Exhausted!
My spiritual gift is my good looks. It lifts peoples spirits.
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Eyesore.
Eyesore who?
Eyesore from my long run—can we take the elevator?
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
Are you a sweet honeybee? Because you have stung me in the heart
I’ve never understood fog machines.
They mystify me to this day.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
Go to BabaMail
