Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
The great Greek grape growers grow great Greek grapes.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
Baby, you're so sweet you'd put Hershey's out of business!
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
You are the reason Santa even has a naughty list.
I feel like Medusa was in some rocky relationships.
What did the mountain say to the hill on Valentine's day?
You make my heart gush, I lava you.
“Let’s face it, I only practice yoga because the classes are always packed with beautiful women.” — Adam Levine
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
You’re the pumpkin pie of my eye.
A guy ate only metal bars for thanksgiving
He was gratefull
What do you call a room full of crows? Crowded.
What do you call a rental car in Spain?
A Barceloaner.
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
What did the elephant say to a naked man? Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”
Joan Rivers
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
Is it me or the nature of money,
That's odd and particularly funny.
But when I have dough,
It goes quickly, you know,
And seeps out of my pockets like honey.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Mountains aren't just funny.
They're hill areas.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
Want to plan a ride up the hill. It feels great when you're on top.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
I once knew a man who lived in a jar.
For a stranger sight you’d have to go far.
I asked him once why he lived in a jar.
He grimaced and said, how bizarre you are.
My jar’s so cozy, warm and bright,
Even in the full moonlight.
The only drawback is, you see,
Getting out quickly when I have to pee.
(Irwin Mercer)
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
Hey girl, I hope you see that I'm not like all the otters!
You should see what I can do with ice.
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
Your Bosons are giving me a Hadron.
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
Wine improves with Humans improve with wine.
How did the Native Americans get to America first?
They had reservations.
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