I sat and watched this guy fishing for four hours this morning.
Eventually he said to me, "Why don't you give it a go?"
I said, "No thanks. I don't have the patience."
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
Bookworms take shelfies.
The lobster is one shell of an animal.
Let me call you my sunshine because you make me so hot.
Lots of people have a rug.
Very few have a Pug.
(E.B White)
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.
How can you tell when a coach doesn’t know what they are doing? When the real coach is yelling from in the stands.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
Do you want to know what you get when you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? Really! Ooh you will end up with a bouncing baby boa.
You're a beluga in this sea of cod.
The furniture store saleswoman keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand.
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
I like bowling.
Seriously, it’s right up my alley.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
Where does a mansplainer get his water?
From a well, actually.
What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Talk literary to me.
When I refused to buy her concert tickets for the weekend, my 15 year old daughter broke down and threatened to cry a river.
I told her to go ahead, but remember that she's so self absorbed the tears won't even make it to her cheeks.
I know you're busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
My love for you is like cancer, it just keeps growing and growing.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
When his driving had gotten bizarre
Grandpa’s kids tossed his keys very far
So he hitched into town
Laid some good money down
And then simply brought home a new car.
You look pretty fun, I hope this means I’m headed into a new S-era of good luck
What did the artist ask the preschooler? Can you count to pen?
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
Are you a drum? Because my heart beats for you.
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
When the farmer died, all his chickens were sold to the highest bidder.
They would have preferred to stay on the farm, but auctions speak louder than birds.
Why did the snail take so long to cross the road?
It was feeling sluggish.
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
I saw a saw that could out saw any saw I ever saw saw. If you happen to see a saw that can out saw the saw I saw saw I'd like to see the saw you saw saw.
She had a photographic memory but never developed it.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Hey babe, can I colonize your land and exploit you for your natural resources.
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
Does your Dad own Snapple, because you're made of the best stuff on earth?
I just gotta say, you and that dog are looking awfully fetching in your photos.
Go to BabaMail
