What did the WiFi router say when it was unplugged?
"Tell my wifi love her
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
Excuse me, would you like a raisin? No? How about a date then?
Fairies just wand to have fun.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!
“You are one yoga class away from a good mood.” – Unknown
What happens if the Grim Reaper spikes the ball? You have to dig your own grave.
What do you call a werewolf YouTuber?
A lycansubscribe
The abdominal snowman is just a snowman with a six-pack.
“God made up best friends because he knew our mom couldn’t handle us as sisters.”
— Unknown
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
"I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract."
What do you call it when dress up like a cowboy?
Ranch dressing
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
Two monkeys are high up in the tree.
One turns to the other and says, “Oooo ooo aah aahh!!”
The second monkey says, “Well put some cold water on it then!"
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
Nurse: No change yet.
Mmm, these honey samples are so mouthwatering.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
What is sticky and brown? A stick!
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Q. Why was the blonde disappointed after her visit to an apiary?
A. There weren't any gorillas there. DUH!
When the cats and the bats are about
Many witches are near, no doubt
If one is in sight
And you're filled with fright
Don't worry - just yell out a shout.
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
The ghost was told off when he spook out of turn.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
Maybe you need a little Vitamin ME in your life.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
What does a tornado wear under his clothes? Thunderwear!
Girl, let me take you home and show you my advanced statistic.
A few years ago, I had a job translating pre-Classical Greek literature into Braille.
It feels like ancient history.
"Little Boy Blue"
Little Boy Blue, please cover your nose.
You sneezed on Miss Muffet and ruined her clothes.
You sprayed Mother Hubbard, and now she is sick.
You put out the fire on Jack’s candlestick.
Your sneeze is the reason why Humpty fell down.
You drenched Yankee Doodle when he came to town.
The blind mice are angry! The sheep are upset!
From now on, use a tissue so no one gets wet!
– Darren Sardelli
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
“Not everybody has to love me. I can’t force you to have good taste.”
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
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