I bet we could do some good interval training together.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
A Peruvian pervert named Bruno
Once said, "There is one thing I do know:
A woman is fine,
A boy is divine,
But a llama is numero uno!"
My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving Day jokes.
I told them I couldn’t stop cold turkey
Feeling my shelf.
Good gourd, pumpkin spice latte season is officially here.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Why do Minotaurs make terrible detectives?
Because they hate to go on steak-outs!
A sheep dog says to the farmer, "I'm going to round up the sheep."
The dog comes back with 50 sheep. The farmers says, "we only have 48 sheep." The dog replies, "Yea, I told you I was going to round them up."
Can I get your number? Because I like you a latte.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
I think my chickens are possessed
My wife is very much distressed
Their feathers are all dishevelled
And the eggs they lay are devilled
- Paul Curtis
"Grandparent Rap"
It's Grandparents' Day and we're here to say,
"We love our Grandparents in a major way."
So sit right down and take a seat,
And we'll put on a show that can't be beat!
Some Grandparents are skinny. Some eat a lot.
Some are funny. Some are not.
Some short, some tall, some big, some small.
It doesn't matter. We love them all.
What do you called a crow that cant find his way?
A lost caws
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
I went deep sea diving and a mollusk wanted to give me a hug!
Damn cuddlefish.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
I got fired from Starbucks for not changing the coffee filters.
It was grounds for dismissal.
You can never get short balls over the net! Solution: Drop shot from arsenal.
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.
This phenomenon is known as many paws.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
"It's not me, it's you!"
"Let's have some skele-fun."
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Parenting is like playing chess.
I don't know how to play chess.
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
Affogato? Afforgeto where I am when I'm with you.
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
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