Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
Let's be like Noah and do this as a pair.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
What do you call a cannibal that works in a university?
Hannibal Lecture.
No need to light a night-light on a light night like tonight.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"It's been an emotional day," said the groom. "Even the cake is in tiers."
Algorithm.
Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
What do you get when a raven flies into a group of 18 crows?
Corvid-19.
Tomorrow is still a mystery.
Yesterday is already history.
And today it is your BIRTHDAY!
"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage." -Erma Bombeck
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo? Hop on!
Well, I have to say I am William-pressed with you
I really can't finish a box of strawberries all by myself, Would you like to share with me over some wine?
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To knock-knock on the door, walk into the bar, and change the lightbulb.
To begin to toboggan first buy a toboggan, but don’t buy too big a toboggan. Too big a toboggan is too big a toboggan to buy to begin to toboggan.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
That skeleton over there wanted to ask you for your number, but, unlike me, he didn’t have the guts
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Are you a pile of dinosaur bones? Because I dig you!
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
“When in doubt, yoga it out.” – Unknown
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
Wife was in the hospital and the nurse said she was calling the doctor to put in an IV
When he showed up, I said to him "I thought there'd be four of you".
Football players get cheerleaders, but hockey players bring them home.
How are snow boards and vacuum cleaners alike?
Both have dirt bags on board.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
Why did the cow go to space?
to get ice cream.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
Wife says to her husband: "Choose, either me or the soccer game!"
He responds: "Give me 90 minutes to think."
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
In on the ground flora.
I'm no organ donor, but I'd be happy to give you my heart.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
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