I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
Jim ordered a racehorse online
A thoroughbred sold in it's prime.
Now just for a laugh
They sent a giraffe
But it wins by a neck every time.
(Ray Gridley)
Q. What is another name for elk diarrhea?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Even if I was T-Rex, I would find a way to hug you.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
I was going to read Proverbs 31, but then I realized I could just study you instead.
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.
If your mom slaps you with high frequency -
It Hertz
Never date a Theater person...
... wayyy too much Drama...
Excuse me, do you have a pen?
Then you'd better get back to it before the farmer notices you're gone.
If I said I'd like to score on you tonight would you think I was being too forward?
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
Do you be-leaf in magic?
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus!
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?
Why did the kraken eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
Sorry lady, I'll have to eat you after dinner.
Because you're a snack!
Have you heard of the tallest tower in France?
It’s a real Eiffel.
“If you think I’m funny now, you should see me when I miss Yoga.” — Anonymous
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
“Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.” — P.J. O’Rourke
Fame changes a lot of things, but it can't change a light bulb.
Gilda Radner
It’s all so good –
Turkey and ham,
Macaroni and cheese, dressing and cranberry sauce,
Chocolate cake, pumpkin and potato pie.
Thanksgiving is just the beginning
Of the holiday season,
And already, I’m getting bigger and bigger.
My jeans are telling me I should skip Christmas.
- Natasha Niemi
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
You’re a woman from East Transylvania
Dating Dracula, with his weird mania.
He asks you each night
To go out for a bite —
An experience certain to drain ya.
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
Blackboards love drinking beverages, especially hot white chalk-olate!
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
Hey girl, I won't be able to see you for the next few weeks.
I'm giving up sweet things for Lent.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
Did you hear about the spies trying to infiltrate japan, Italy, and Germany in WWII?
They were denied axis.
Are you a cat? Because you're purrrrrfect.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
Nothing really mattress.
Go to BabaMail
