“Hello, Monday! May I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Don’t you have a hobby?”
When I first saw you I looked for a signature, because every masterpiece has one.
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
You're as intoxicating as home distilled liquor.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Aldo.
Aldo who?
Aldo anything for you.
“Silence is golden…unless you have kids, then silence is just suspicious.” - Anonymous
You know what they say... Big Feet.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
What does a kangaroo do when it gets Covid? Goes to the hop-spittle.
My 4 yr Old son said "Daddy, why do people make up things that their children have said for social media?
Isn't it just inherently dishonest and indicative of inability to construct a compelling narrative themselves? "
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
Sit back and relax… I fix broken hearts.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
I know we just met, but will you marinade me?
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
What might folks in Tokyo find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
Hey Bella, looking for a fella?
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
What is the fastest fish in the water? A motopike
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What do zombies use to color their hair?
Dye of the dead!
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
Sometimes planes go in for maintenance when they have cracks in their bodywork, we call them air-line fractures.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Is it me or is there an interaction between us?
Are you the future? Because you're looking hopeless and bleak.
Your shirt must be made out of husband material.
What do you call a fashionable, but judgmental monster who howls at the moon?
A What Not To Wear-Wolf.
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
“I love yoga, but the namaste thing only takes you so far.” — Jillian Michaels
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
What do you called a crow that cant find his way?
A lost caws
You are hot to the core, aren’t you?
I look at you and all the facts
I can't believe your age and how you act.
The number might suggest your old
That you should be shriveled and full of mold.
But, hey look at you
You're young in all you do
The number doesn't mean a thing
As long as you can still sing.
So may this little rhyme and verse
Be one that you don't curse.
Smile and be happy today
Remember, it's your birthday!
(Catherine Pulsifer)
“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” - Jenny Seinfeld
Want to practice speaking in tongues with me?
A woman inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted."
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
"Your kisses are to dye for."
Do you carrot all for me?
My heart beets for you,
With your turnip nose
And your radish face,
You are a peach.
If we cantaloupe,
Lettuce marry:
Weed make a swell pear.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
Go to BabaMail
