My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"Resting is a part of the process, even if it’s not a part of the plan."
— Carley Schweet
“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” - Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
Call me on the shellphone.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
"If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal."
— Oprah Winfrey
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Steve Martin
The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
“I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.”
– Bill Watterson
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
Is there a magnet in here because I'm really attracted to You.
“I really regret going to a Yoga class today… said no one ever.” — Unknown
I was thinking whether I should write you or not.. but honestly, there isn’t Hannah-other better choice than to
What does the Yeti do when he is tired?
Himalaya down.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What is it called when a witch only casts spells that rhyme?
Poetry in Potion.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
Are you into hockey? That's great because I'd like to score.
Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe.
Babies born March 31st are the easiest to prank on April Fool’s
They were literally born yesterday.
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving Day jokes.
I told them I couldn’t stop cold turkey
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
How does Santa capture photos? With his North Pole-oroid.
What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
Humphreys
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
I can score from multiple positions.
How did the sheep cross the road?
It ram across.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
I feel like we're in tune
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
“There’s no such thing as ready. You just jump on a moving train and you try not to die.”
- A Dad, ‘What To Expect When You Are Expecting.’
Are you my appendix?
Because I don't know anything about you but this feeling in my gut is telling me that I should take you out.
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Fairies just wand to have fun.
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
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