What online search engine do spooky monsters use?
Ghoulghoul.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What is a favorite game for ghouls?
Chase!
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
Why didn’t the flamingo cross the road?
Because he’s not a chicken.
Hey girl. Feel my sweater. Know what it’s made of? Husband material.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Dang, girl. You're a fielder's choice.
Do you like yoga? Because yoganna love what I can offer you.
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
Need an ark?
I noah guy.
I was up all night wondering where the sun had gone for so long but then it finally dawned on me.
"The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman." — Samuel Taylor Coleridge
What did the first thunderstorm of the year say?
Hail to the spring!
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
Why couldn't the cowboy get down from his horse?
Because you can only get down from a goose.
If I was a sticker, would you add me to your vintage luggage set?
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?
A Susquatch.
What did Earth say to the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What's yellow and kills you if you get it in your eyes?
A school bus.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Why is the French Prime Minister never seen in the morning?
Becasue he is pm not am!
Too bad my serve hit the tape. Well, at least they’ll LET me hit it again.
Q: Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?
A: Atmospheric pressure.
“I just wanna kick it in the woods with my birches.”
According to physics, light travels faster than sound. If that is really the case, why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change?
Grandmother Of Eight Makes Hole In One
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
Why did my wife cross the road?
To go back to the same shoe shop we went to three hours ago.
Dracula always read the best selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died.
She is sadly mist.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Falling in love with you takes less time than my DNA takes to replicate.
Pursuing phantoms
Came in the night
From hells realm
Making me take flight
I was so mortally scared
I needed a Bracer
And I quickly followed it
With a Chaser
Though spirituous liquors’
Have their merits
They were no defence
Against evil spirits
- Paul Curtis
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
Go to BabaMail
