"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
You’re my pot of gold.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
Tie twine to three tree twigs.
Well I can’t Eli to you, you’re pretty cute
I'm reading a romance book in Braille.
I don't think I'll finish. It's too touchy feely for me.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
What do volleyball players watch during their free time? They watch Spike TV.
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
I once fell in love with a blonde,
But found that she wasn't so fond.
Of my pet turtle named Odle,
whom I'd taught how to Yodel,
So she dumped him outside in the pond.
Why did the dragon cross the road?
He was dragged on by his mum.
There was a professor named Chesterton
Who went for a walk with his best shirt on
Being hungry, he et it
But lived to regret it
And ruined for life his digestion.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
Christmas - The only time of the year you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
It’s snow joke.
Juvenile Court Tries Shooting Defendant
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Roses are red,
But violets aren’t blue,
They’re purple, you dope,
Now go get a clue.
So there’s this Spanish magician. His main trick was performing a spectacular vanishing act. He said that he’d vanish on the count of three. “Uno” “Dos”
And then he vanished, without a tres.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
If you travel to the future and get decapitated
You'd be ahead of your time
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
A mosquito cried out in great pain,
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"
And the cause of his sorrow
Was para-dichloro-
Diphenyl-trichloroethane.
Need a cart? No? How about a girlfriend?
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
Bread is like the sun, it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye.
If cows could fly I'd have a cow pie in my eye.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Go to BabaMail
