Taking a romantic ride today,
We sat upon the wagon.
Suddenly the horse lifted his tail
And we heard a roaring dragon!

The deafening sound hurt my ears
And the smell burned the hairs in my nose.
My girlfriend sat and glared at me.
Somehow my fault I suppose.

It was my idea to take the ride,
But how was I to know?
It really wasn't in my plans;
Didn't know the horse would blow.

The noise and the smell were bad enough,
As the wind blew quickly by.
But I think the very worst of it,
Was the brown stuff in my eye.

My girlfriend's face turned angry red.
So I figured I wouldn't dare,
Advise her of the smelly pieces
Of horse stuff in her hair.

The horse finally stopped; my girl ran away,
Stubbornly lifting her chin.
I think that horse was enjoying himself,
Cause I'm sure I saw him grin.

A lesson learned for me today.
Although I must confess,
I laughed so hard I nearly cried
As I wiped away the mess.

(by Annabel Sheila)

Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.

I’ll bring you roses to our first date so that they can see how beautiful you are.

What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.

What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."

“Running a marathon takes balls, other sports just play with them.” – Unknown

Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.

What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”

What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."

Girl, I'm jealous of your shirt.
Because it's wrapped around you and I'm not.

Pennies and quarters rain from the sky
"Wow!" I say. "It's climate change!"

There was an Old Man of New York, Who murdered himself with a fork;
But nobody cried though he very soon died,-
For that silly Old Man of New York.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
The Doris locked, why do you think I'm knocking?

What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.

Sips getting real.

Your smile is like a supernova. Brighter than anything in the universe.

If I had a nickel for every nickel I have... Oh wait, I do. Nevermind.

If Moses were alive today, why would he be considered a remarkable man?
Because he would be several thousand years old.

Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!

I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”

V
V

Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working

Heya, howl you doin'? Yikes, sorry, that was a ruff start.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!

What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!

All I want is to fill that vacuum in your heart.

Why did everyone hide from Sue on her birthday?
Because they wanted her to be Sue-prised!

What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”

There was an Old Person whose habits,
Induced him to feed upon rabbits;
When he'd eaten eighteen,
He turned perfectly green,
Upon which he relinquished those habits.

Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.

“My daughter just lost her first tooth, which is a very sweet moment for a dad. In retrospect, I do regret punching her so hard in the face.”

- Alan Cox.

Without you, I’m like a null set… Empty.

They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.

How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

Have you ever been fishing in Lake Michigan? 'Cause we should hook up sometime.

I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.

What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.

We must be near an airport, because my heart just took off when I saw you!

That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.

Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.

Have you heard the one about the spaceship that came to Earth?
Never mind its over your head.

Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.

“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip

What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you! and I want the whole world to know it.

What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.

What is the Easter Bunny's favorite drinking game?
Hop Scotch.

Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.

Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.

How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.

I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.