Will you, William? Will you, William? Will you, William?
Can't you, don't you, won't you, William?
A witch burnt her butt on a candle.
She was angry. It was such a scandal.
She jumped on her broom
And zoomed to her doom.
Went too fast, so she flew off the handle!
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
How do you upset a dinosaur? Touchasaurus Spot.
Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
There was an Old Man in a tree,
Who was horribly bored by a Bee;
When they said, 'Does it buzz?'
He replied, 'Yes, it does!'
'It's a regular brute of a Bee!'
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
The female janitor at my office asked me if I would like to smoke some weed with her.
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
When you're around, every mall is a sky mall.
We’ve got serious chemistry.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
I wish I was your calculus homework, because then I'd be hard and you'd be doing me on your desk.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
You're so beautiful, even the leaves fall for you.
You must be Gisele Bundchen’s twin sister. You know the one no one talks about because she’s more beautiful than Gisele.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Did you hear that there’s a webpage for people who suffer from chronic eye pain?
It’s a site for sore eyes.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Are you an alarm clock? Because I want to kill you.
“I thought I’d never be that annoying person, but as soon as Winnie was born, I was showing iPhone snaps to a cab driver.”
- Jimmy Fallon.
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
When the pitch is flooded, soccer players can still go on. They just need to bring on their subs.
“I don’t have a lot of friends but I have the best friends because I choose quality over quantity.”
— Unknown
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
Winston Churchill
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
"Running makes me feel less like I want to kill people."
From a runner's T-shirt
I can be your travel pillow.
I started a job making plastic Dracula figurines but there’s only two of us in the production line.
I have to make every second Count.
Did you damage my cerebellum? Because I’m falling all over the place for you.
Hi, I'm the Easter Bunny and I don't care if you are naughty or nice!
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
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