Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
What is the capital of Greece?
G.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
Are you a keyboard? Because you are just my type.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
I am fawn’d of you my deer.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Worm!
Worm who?
Worm to meet you!
When we met, it was love at frost sight.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
I'm pine-ing for you.
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
What is a cyclops' favorite winter activity?
Sking. That's like skiing, but only with one eye.
I used Brylcreem this morning to slick back my hair like my father used to do. My wife asked me what I was doing.
I said, "I'm having a dad hair day."
I didn’t know that my favorite Halloween treat came in life size!
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
You must be the one for me… Since my selectively permeable membrane let you through.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
What do you call a dinosaur that eats fireworks? A dino-mite
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
Do you live on Mars? ‘Cause, you look out of this world.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What do you call Batman when he is injured?
Bruised Wayne.
When do you know a joke is a dad joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
There once was a vicar at Kew
Who kept his pet cat in a pew.
He taught it to speak
alphabetical Greek,
but it never got farther than µ.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
“Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s drama, repeat these word: Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
Polish Proverb
I like the way you espresso yourself.
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
Many people think that the Abominable Snowman doesn't exist...
Yeti does.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
Before they go out to a basketball game, all cheerleaders down several bottles of root beer.
Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?
The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Do you know the Tango? Because you're dancing away with my heart.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
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