We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
What do you call a goat who is in charge of a university?
Billy Dean.
Hey, not sure if I should be telling you this, but I’m a Prince and I’m currently looking for my Cinder-Bella
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
“During summer vacation, you get to do all your favorite things; cook hot dogs over a campfire (while being eaten alive by mosquitoes).”
– Bruce Lansky
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
You are my belongingness to my Maslow's Humanistic Theory based on the Hierarchy of needs.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
I just want you to know: I think you're El Salvadorable.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
"On cloud wine."
Readers do it by the book.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
"My mom used to say it doesn’t matter how many kids you have… because one kid will take up 100% of your time so more kids can’t possibly take up more than 100% of your time." - Karen Brown
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What is a tornado's favorite movie? Gone With the Wind!
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
If you let me, I will chase you like a cheetah.
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
I’m a raindrop and I’m falling for you.
Are you doing Ananda Balasana, or are you just happy to see me, baby?
I always like to keep my place stocked with coffee and breakfast food in case I don't wake up alone.
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
I just wanted to make sure my mom woke up with a big smile on her face.
Now i'm not allowed to play with sharpies anymore.
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic. -- Doris Egan
"I've found some bunny to love."
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
Have you heard about some bones on the moon? Looks like the cow couldn’t make it after all.
Are you a unicorn cause you are my fantasy.
Me without you is like a sneaker without laces.
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
I’ll always be running-back to you.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
“A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawnmower is broken.”
– James Dent
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
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