“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
How did the witch feel about using her broom to do housework?
She bristled at the suggestion!
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
Do you comma here often?
What will you get if you cross a tiger and a watchdog? A terrified watchman.
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food, I could almost afford a small popcorn.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would P on U.
What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!
"The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise."
Anonymous
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Man: Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
Woman: Do you know what'd look good on you? Nothing.
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
Now that it's summer, we've got to seas the day!
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
What's a sheep's favorite art style?
Baa's Relief
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the the peep hole and find out.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
Ain’t no mountain high enough to keep me from you.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Your beauty warms and lights up these frozen surroundings.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
Why can't you trust zebras?
Because they're convicted horse felons.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's out of business. And, speaking of Hershey's, how about a kiss?
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
Does your sport shop stock short socks with spots?
Are you glitter? Because you add sparkle to my life
Did you see that movie about King Kong, the giant ape?
The plot was pretty bananas.
The reason why bowling alleys are so quiet is such that you can hear a pin drop.
"Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway."
― Robert Downey Jr.
There was an Old Lady whose folly,
Induced her to sit on a holly;
Whereon by a thorn,
Her dress being torn,
She quickly became melancholy.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
Go to BabaMail
