You must have been born in an open cluster because you shine as if you were a young star.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
The game of golf is 90-percent mental…
And 10-percent mental.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
They say that Disney World is "the happiest place on earth".
They've obviously never been in your arms.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
Oh, the heat! Doesn’t summer know – you’re all the sunshine I need!
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
Because of my rights related to eminent domain, you have to compensate me for stealing my heart.
Trowel and error.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. -- Billy Sunday
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
"Family Love"
A thread of love joins us all;
It's flimsy.
At times it trembles;
Almost breaks.
A thread of love joins us all;
It's slender
And subtle.
But when things get rough,
It tautens,
Becomes tough,
And hauls us back together.
– Alison Jean Thomas
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
Do fish go on vacation?
No, because they’re always in school!
I’m very frond of you.
Unlike the Leafs, I will never let you down.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
What do dogs and commas have in common? Dogs have claws at the end of their paws and commas are a pause at the end of a clause.
I want to ask you out, but I’ve got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots…
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees, and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
"Some bunny needs vodka."
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
I can’t tell if that was an earthquake or if you just seriously rocked my world.
Someone from Southern France sent me an MS Word file with 200 pages.
It's a Languedoc.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”
- Paul Reiser.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
How does the man help clean the house? Raising the feet, for the woman to pass the vacuum cleaner on the carpet.
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
"Did you hear how the baker proposed to his girlfriend?"
"Yeah, he told her he loafed her more than life itself"
"No, he actually told her how much he kneaded her"
Go to BabaMail
