A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Can’t take my eyes off of her brewtiful face.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Witch you were here.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
As I only have two factors, I’m the prime candidate for you.
I am sure it is not this jog, you definitely just took my breath away.
“Hello and welcome to Monday. Do you take sugar, cream, or Valium in your morning coffee?”
Hello... I've been admiring your bacterial signature.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
Two racquets started dating. Unfortunately, one was stringing the other along without any intention of tying the knot.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
One day I found two pumpkin seeds.
I planted one and pulled the weeds.
It sprouted roots and a big, long vine.
A pumpkin grew; I called it mine.
The pumpkin was quite round and fat.
(I really am quite proud of that.)
But there is something I’ll admit
That has me worried just a bit.
I ate the other seed, you see.
Now will it grow inside of me?
Are you from China? Cause I'm China get your number.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
What do witches' cats like to have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
The couple who married during autumn lived apple-ly ever after!
Would you like to come over for tea and crumpets?
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
I lost my future girlfriend's phone number.
I think you might have it.
A duck is standing next to a busy road, cars zooming past while he waits for a break in traffic.
A chicken walks up to him and says, "Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it."
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tomorrow night?
Lava is red and tsunamis are blue. If I had to choose a case study, I’d choose you.
How do mice celebrate when they move home? With a mouse warming party!
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Who is a ghoul’s favorite family member?
Mummy!
Go to BabaMail
