What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
Ever wonder what's happening under Orion's belt?
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
What did the witch get her cat for entertainment?
A cat-alog.
“I’ve got 99 problems and I’m gonna go to yoga and solve about 53 of them.” -Unknown
While building a house, the architect took his fingers and dipped them in a jar of blue ink. He wanted to get the blueprints!
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During ape-ril showers.
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
I chucked my phone into a very deep lake.
Somehow it's still syncing.
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
Why did the strangers walk out onto the frozen pond?
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
You never realize how time flies when you are not wearing a watch on a plane.
What do you call a chicken that was struck by lightning?
Air fried.
As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply.
After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves.
So Noah asked them, “Why aren’t you multiplying?”
The snakes replied, “We can’t, we’re adders.”
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
I'm afraid you can't pass this point, 'cause you're a bomb, Baby.
What do ghost cowboys wear?
Boooots.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
Whatever coats your boat.
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
My mom: son, why did I find "how to delete your history" in your history?
Me: because it was useless.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
How do you know your heart is your biggest fan?
It’s always so pumped for you.
Something in the way you move attracts me like no other
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
When is the course too wet to play golf?
When your golf cart capsizes.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
You make the Queen of Sheba look like a hobo.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
"Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, but then I remember I put up with you, so we're even." - Unknown
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
How can you tell a family doesn't celebrate Christmas? The lights are on, but nobody's a gnome.
Which side of a deer has the best meat?
The inside.
“What is your favorite day of the week, and why it is your favorite day of the week? Mine is Tuesday because that means Monday is gone.”
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