What do you get when you spell gibberish backwards?
Gibberish.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
These decorations are tree-mendous.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Can I hiber-mate with you?
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
I'm arresting you for breaking the 8th amendment because you...are excessively fine!
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
What did the ghoul say to the clown on Halloween?
Tag, you’re it!
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
This weekend, I will watch a new Irish movie based on a marathon runner who only ate potatoes. It is called Starch Trek.
A rockstar, a biker, and a cowboy walk into a bar... There's no punchline, it's just a fantasy of mine.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
Bill Vaughan
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
We are perfect balance for each other.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
Hey, are you a bear cub? Because you’re un-bear-ably adorable.
My favorite denim blue jeans just turned brown. I think I will have to call it Dung-arees!
Why couldn't the man 3D printing his face control his excitement?
He was getting a head of himself
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
There once was a man from Tibet,
Who couldn't find a cigarette.
So he smoked all his socks,
and got chicken-pocks,
and had to go to the vet.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
What did the pig say on a hot summer’s day?
I’m bacon!
What did the Austrian skier yell when he sprained his ankle?
“Alp!”
How do Yetis tell the time?
With a sasq-watch.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream!
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
Would you like to come to my place and light my Yule log?
Go to BabaMail
