I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
Water you doing on [date]?
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
Did you hear about the B I V G R O Y rainbow?
The poor thing has a deviated spectrum.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
I’m a clover, not a fighter.
George Burns
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
If beauty were time, you'd be an eternity.
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.”
Steven Wright
What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? A trip without the kids.
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
Autumn brings re-leaf from the heat.
Was there a spark between Frankenstein and his bride?
Yes, he simply couldn’t resistor.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Me me mo mi get me a mole,
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Fe me mo mi get me a mole,
Mister kister feet so sweet,
Mister kister where will I eat !?
The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank. -- Dante Rossetti
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Unlike the Leafs, I will never let you down.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
I was talking to this guy about how I hate geometry. You know what he said to me.
You just have to look at it from a different angle.
I know my math. And you’ve got one significant figure!
Becoming a space pilot is not easy. It requires a good altitude.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
People are always after me lucky charms.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
Get clover it, babe.
Air resistance is a real drag.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Excuse me, there has been a heartbreak incident and I need your number to solve it.
My boss brought bagels for breakfast and asked me which one I wanted. I said "give me one of the Spanish bagels". He responded " One of the Spanish Bagels?"
"Ay poppy."
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes
But that's Heinz sight.
Go to BabaMail
