Two students talk:
"What are you reading?"
"Quantum physics theory book."
"But why are you reading it upside-down?"
"It makes no difference anyway."
Donut even think about taking another donut!
How much pot, could a pot roast roast, if a pot roast could roast pot.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
What party game do rabbits like to play?
Musical Hares!
You’re my love and angel,
You’re my sugar and honey,
You’re my jewel and treasure,
I’m broke and in need money.
(Unknown)
Is there something in your eye? Oh, wait, it's just a sparkle.
"People who wonder if the glass is half full or half empty miss the point. The glass is refillable."
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
Since all the hot ones are already taken, this is going to be your lucky night!
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
Hey I love your shoes, they would look even better if they were running alongside me.
Every player knows pretty well that they cannot afford to go through life without goals.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
There was an Old Man of Calcutta,
Who perpetually ate bread and butter,
Till a great bit of muffin,
On which he was stuffing,
Choked that horrid Old Man of Calcutta.
Why do thieves have a hard time understanding puns?
Because they take things literally!
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
Every time when I see a picture of something amazing in space, I usually say “That’s totally far out.”
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
I like you cherry much.
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Did you hear about the math professor who was afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What is a cat's favorite color in the rainbow? Purrrrrple of course.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.”
Steven Wright
"When your “mom voice” is so loud even the neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed." - Unknown
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
What did the koala say to his girlfriend?
I love you-calpytus.
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
Cutie, you must be a red blood cell because you take the oxygen away from my lungs and send it straight to my heart.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
Show your popcorn and coke guy at the movies a little appreciation. After all, he makes a lot of concessions.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
God gave us two ears, two eyes, two legs and two hands, but he only gave us one heart, and he wanted me to find you and tell you, you are the second one.
Are you a 90 degree angle? Because this feels just right.
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
What is a beaver's most favorite drama series ever? Riverdale.
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.
There would be mass confusion.
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