Thirty-three thousand feathers on a thrush’s throat.
You are my butter-half!
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
Who will Frankenstein’s monster take to the dance?
Any old girl he can dig up.
I once dreamt of crossing a wide river...
But it ended up being just a ferry tale.
“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” – Frank A. Clark
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
How was Heaven when you left it?
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Are you an angle? Because you're so acute.
We're like a 4-Leaf clover. You're the C and I'm the R, and there's love in between us.
“I meditate and do yoga. I sit cross-legged and try not to levitate too much.” – Jeremy Brett
Permission to board?
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice
It was cold hard cash.
Our game is as tight as our spandex. This would be an awesome team motto.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
Why did the kid pursue scuba diving?
Because all his grades are below C-level.
Hi, I hear you’re good at algebra… Will you replace my X without asking Y?
What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy potter.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”
- Erma Bombeck.
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
I find you very a-peeling.
Are you a chocolate cake? I’m craving something sweet.
Who’s the patron saint of poverty?
St. Nickeless.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
Mmm, these honey samples are so mouthwatering.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
Is there a fireman around? Because you are smoking hot.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Why wasn’t the little pumpkin allowed to swim?
There was no life gourd on duty!
My attitude isn't bad.
It's in beta phase.
When’s your birthday?
July 23rd.
What year?
Every year.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
“He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart.”
Mother doesn’t want a dog.
Mother says they smell,
And never sit when you say sit,
Or even when you yell.
When you come home late at night
And there is ice and snow,
You have to go back ou because
The dumb dog has to go.
Mother doesn’t wat a dog.
Mother says they shed,
And always let the strangers in
And bark at friends instead
They do disgraceful things on rugs,
And track mud on the floor,
And flop upon your bed at night
And snore their doggy snore.
Mother doesn’t want a dog.
She’s making a mistake.
Because, more than a dog, I think
She will not want this snake.
(Judith Viorst)
When one tree asked another how it was doing in November, it replied, "I am pine!"
Checked into a hotel and was offered the black & white or the rainbow room. I chose the rainbow one as I like a room with a hue.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
My neighbor drank so much gravy on a Thanksgiving Day dare that he choked to death.
He went from the ladle to the grave.
I must stop eating Snickers
I can’t fit in my knickers
Have less food on my plate
Won’t moan about my weight
(Jan Allison)
Go to BabaMail
