You’re my pot of gold.
By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
Charles Wadsworth
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
Get me some cooling aloe gel, because you are making me as hot as a sunburn.
“The problem with the world is that everyone does not have a brain, but everyone does have a tongue.”
- Raheel Farooq
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Toucan.
Toucan who?
Toucan play at that game!
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
What is batman’s favorite food (ans Just-ice)
Not much, just-ice.
How many saws could a see-saw saw if a see-saw could saw saws?
There was an Old Man of Peru,
Who never knew what he should do;
So he tore off his hair,
And behaved like a bear,
That intrinsic Old Man of Peru.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
Mmm, these honey samples are so mouthwatering.
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
There was an Old Person of Leeds,
Whose head was infested with beads;
She sat on a stool,
And ate gooseberry fool,
Which agreed with that person of Leeds.
My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm. I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
What Do You Call Two Ducks And A Cow?
Quakers and milk.
What kind of spells do leprechauns use?
Lucky Charms!
"It's unsticking-your-thighs-from-a-plastic-chair season"
I just pooped in my bed. Can I sleep in yours?
I really hope corona virus can't spread through s*x
It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
“Hiking is the only slightly less ugly stepsister of running.” – Lindy Hughes
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What do men and mascara have in common? They both run at the first sign of emotion.
“Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.”
Greg Tamblyn
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
Why is horse racing so romantic?
Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.
Anne of Green Gables? More like Anne of Green Babeles.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
Happy birthday to you,
You still look the same over the years,
Some sort of makeup you use,
Oh I did not mean to make fun,
Because you always look number one
Stay blessed!
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?
Well don't worry, he's all right now.
I don’t want your candy, what I really want is your number.
Go to BabaMail
