“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
"I love when my kids tells me they’re bored. As if the lady standing in front of a full sink of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time." – Unknown
How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
You must be Portuguese because I could Lisbon to that accent all night long.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
Mumbai
People write Congrats because spelling Congrajlashins is hard.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
I love a joke about the eyes.
The cornea the better.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
"Every garden is unique with a multitude of choices in soils, plants and themes. Finding your garden theme is as easy as seeing what brings a smile to your face."
- Teresa Watkins
Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?
Wow, You must be the pretty princess the evil queen is trying to get rid of.
You're my eggnog: sweet, chill, and delish.
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
Who's the nicest guy at the hospital?
The ultrasound guy
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
As an April fools joke, I told my SO that I was pregnant...
...sadly she didn't fall for it.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
What are you doing this saturday? I've got a football match, but I'd rather score with you
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
What do you call a goat who paints pictures?
Vincent Van Goat.
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock-knock jokes!
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
My son asked me what Micheal Jackson was doing in Italy
I told him he was "sight-heeheeing."
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
My son fell asleep last night with the TV clicker in his hand.
He’s really embraced remote learning.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won't do it.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
I’m very frond of you.
Go to BabaMail
