Preheat the oven of love
With plenty of secrets and hugs
Mix in giggles and laughs
That make your sides split in half
Bake with the love and care
And all the things you both should share
Decorate with the frosting of trust
This is really a must
Enjoy the cake do not eat it fast
Just like your new love make it last.
(Anonymous)
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
I know somebody who likes you but if I weren’t so shy I would tell you who.
After his teeth were cleaned, the werewolf ate the dentist.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
I heard Medusa looked really pretty.
In fact, her looks were stunning.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Hey there, will you Vio-let me take you out sometime this weekend?
A con artist is an artist who draws pictures of criminal suspects.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
It's not that I don't want to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?
Anette.
Basketball players at times get athletes foot. Come to think of it, it is like the missle toe astronauts get.
Where can you find a bunch of clowns who deserve to be in jail? Silly Con Valley.
I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve got 3 bags of Cool Ranch Doritos in your basket. Marry me?
You met all of my koala-fications
Q: What do you call a gust of wind full of sand?
A: A rough draft
For that special cashier:
Since you're checking me out why don't we go to the movies?
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
Why did the obtuse Triangle go to the beach?
Because it was more than 90°.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Some guy asked dad for the WiFi code.
Shrugging his shoulders and giving a sympathetic look, he responded: I can't figure her out either.
"I can tell by your sarcastic undertones, rude comments, and sheer lack of common decency that we should be best friends."
— Unknown
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
What did fog do to make the captain angry? He mist the boat.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
When does a leprechaun cross the road?
Just like everyone - when it's green!
Where's the best place to hide a body?
Page two of Google.
Today, I donated my phone, watch, and $500 to a homeless man. Words cannot describe how happy I felt
When he put his gun back in his pocket
What do you call a deer in a storm?
A raindeer
I really hope corona virus can't spread through s*x
It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
“To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.”
- Gustave Flaubert
I like to say mucho when i’m talking to my Spanish speaking friends.
It means a lot to them.
Can I just watch this Spotify ad? Cause I’d love 30 mins of uninterrupted time with you.
I need more than 140 characters to tell you how beautiful you are.
“It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring.” — Timothy Burke, “Friends”
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that every time he drink tea his eyeball hurts him the doctor brings a cup of tea and handle's it to the man then the man asks for a spoon of sugar after he mixes the sugar he starts to drink tea then he screams as high as he can and say see doctor my eyeball hurts me
The doctor says why don't try to remove the spoon.
This dog is beautiful. I see he takes after his owner.
I would tell you more chemistry pick-up lines, but all the good ones Argon!
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
My love for you is like dividing by zero… It can’t be defined!
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
County to Pay $250,000 to Advertise Lack of Funds
I am a chemist. Want to get together and see the reaction?
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