If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
Guess my spotify is broken. I saw you on the top 10 of this month, but you're clearly a solid 11.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
What do you call a bully on Halloween? A jerk-o-lantern.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
This autumn, the garden told the mower to leaf him alone in peace.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
What do you call a chicken crossing the road?
Poultry in motion.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Never laugh at your spouse’s choice… You’re one of them.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
"Is that cannon fire, or is it my heart pounding?"
- Ingrid Bergman, Casablanca (1942)
Tonight, I’m on a hunt for your number.
Can you feel our love blossoming into a stable relationship?
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
To beer or not to beer… That is the question.
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
I'm planning on making an application that randomly closes the video game you are playing and opens a different one.
It's going to be a game changer.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
Go to BabaMail
