Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye.
If cows could fly I'd have a cow pie in my eye.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
“Nurse: handing me a newborn You got this? Me: Sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read the instructions for mac ‘n’ cheese” – @mommy_cusses
Why do astronauts use linux?
because you can't open windows in space.
Just a buffalo laying down, bisoness as usual.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
The satellite went into the orbit, right on January 1st, causing a New Year’s revolution.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
How many prison guards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just beat the room for being black.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know.
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Why are spiders such great volleyball players? Because they have an amazing topspin.
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
What did the painter say to his wife? "I love you with all my art!"
What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
What does it feel like to be the most gorgeous girl in the room?
A toast to you:
You always know how to make everything butter.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
How do animals know when to cross the road?
The chameleon changes from red to green.
Hey, let’s go out some time! Olly’ven pay for everything
Wish I was British so I could say "could you polish me nob?"
“Bring a compass. It’s awkward when you have to eat your friends.”
I promise I'm good for more than just a one-timer.
Wanna join me for some downward doggy-style tonight?
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
I used to own a raven. It could speak English, but the only word it could speak was "car".
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
What happens when Bigfoot gets lost in the fog?
He is mist!
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
Go to BabaMail
