What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
I cannot think of anything sweeter than chocolate than - oops! of course, there is you!
Except the direction I'm walking in.
You have the prettiest smile I have ever seen.
Double bubble gum, bubbles double
What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
I want to read you from cover to cover.
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
Why is Frankenstein’s monster so popular?
He’s a real people person.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Red wasn't feeling very well for the past few weeks. He has been diagnosed with scarlet fever.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
There’s no reason to wine about you.
What do you call a small fish magician? A magic carpet
Calm before the score
“The learned fool writes his nonsense in better language than the unlearned, but still ‘this nonsense.”
– Benjamin Franklin
Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical school?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
Why would you Mary Shelley when you could marry me?
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
I'm no sandman, but I can take you to cotton candy land.
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?
Because, he had a hurry cane.
Why couldn't the father afford to take his kids to classical music concerts?
Because he was Baroque
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him with an axe.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
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