Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
I don’t know what the trick is, but you certainly are a treat.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
Do you think you know more parrot jokes than me? Toucan play that game!
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Rebel without a Claus.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
Two florists recently got married.
It was an arranged marriage.
“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.”—Melanie White
Two behaviorists make love. When they are done, one turns to the other and says: "That was good for you. Was it good for me?"
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
The Doris locked, why do you think I'm knocking?
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming figures
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
Girl, if we were lymphocytes, you’d be a natural killer.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
A Help desk guy speaking to a lady user...
Help desk: Double click on "My Computer".
Lady: I can't see your computer...
Help desk: No... click on "My Computer" on your computer.
Lady: How the hell can I click on your computer from my computer?!
Help desk: There is an icon labelled "My Computer" on your computer... double click on it...
Lady: What the hell is your computer doing on my computer?
Oh autumn, please don't ever leaf me again.
Want to ge together sometime and make Double Trouble?
The Bible says to bring all our requests to God. I've prayed - and here you are.
You must be a summoner, cause I can feel a powerful creature rising... in my pants!
Grammar Nazis for math should be called Fibbonazis.
Do you climb? Because baby I can be your rock
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
Basketball players manage to remain cool even during tough matches because they stay closer to the fans.
What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
Stationary.
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
Do you have raisins? How about a date?
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
Seagulls talking
what's the matter?
fussy squawking
seagulls talking...
Waddle walking
pavement patter-
Seagulls talking
what's the matter?
Birds discussing
“Took my breadcrumb!”
Angry fussing
birds discussing
seagull cussing
“Hey, I want some!”
birds discussing
“Took my breadcrumb!”
(Rhona McFerran)
Hey, do you still remember me? Oh, that’s right. We only met in my dreams.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
“Medidation, because some questions can’t be answered by Google.” — Inner Balance Wear
Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
Are you a fairy? Because you are the fulfillment of all my wishes.
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
What song did Kenny Rogers write after his cowboy boot broke?
“You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Heel.”
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
My feelings for you are Mont-real.
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
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