What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
You have changed my world to polar coordinates. Complex and imaginary things now have a magnitude and direction.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Did all Europeans give Native Americans smallpox on purpose?
Or is that a blanket statement?
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
I know you're busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
"Oops"
“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”
Doug Larson
Did you expect to laugh at puns?
No, but they've groan on me!
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and says, "Give me all your money or you’re geography!"
The teller replies, "Don't you mean history?"
The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"
What makes politicians and planets similar?
They both take up space.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
"Love is a lot like a toothache. It doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there."
- George Burns.
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
Hey girl. Are you a beaver cuz damn.
“The light made the snowballs look yellow. Or at least I hoped that was the cause.” — Gary D. Schmidt
“Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s drama, repeat these word: Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
Polish Proverb
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ears
Ears who?
Ears another knock knock jokes for you!
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
How does every Irish joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Why was the book of incantations useless?
Because the author failed to do a spell-check.
I feel like I'm in Scandinavia, because when I'm with you it's like the sun never sets.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
Go to BabaMail
