Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
Do you know what I did last night? I put Easter eggs in a heart shape for you to find!
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
What game do some skiers like to play on the road trip to the slopes?
Ice Spy With My Little Ice.
Let's be like Noah and do this as a pair.
What problem do you encounter with twin witches?
You can never tell which is witch.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
Why do you cry, Willy?
Why do you cry?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy? Why?
Why was the Copper Mountain skier taken to the emergency room?
He hurt his ski bum.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
“A messy house is a must—it separates your true friends from other friends. Real friends are there to visit you not your house!”
— Jennifer Wilson
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
You must be mitochondria because you are the powerhouse of my heart.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
If you need a mystery-solving, just call an in-vesti-gator.
What do you call a group of friends in California?
A startup.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
If we were binary, you’d be the one for me.
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
What's green and hangs from trees? Dinosaur snot.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Have you heard about the Italian Bigfoot?
The spag-yeti.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
Mrs. Ippi.
"There’s nothing more tedious than seeing how a person shows his intellect, especially if there isn’t any."
- Erich Maria Remarque
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
Do I know you? Because you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Can anyone advise me what color my hair is?
I find it's a bit of a grey area.
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
I never get tide down to one place when there's so much to sea.
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