What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
“I think the perfect gift to give anyone in the winter is a heated toilet seat.”
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
Do you need more sugar or am I sweet enough?
Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.
It's a Thor subject for them.
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
“Where are we? About halfway…to somewhere.”
Why do stoner tourists spend so much money while on a skiing holiday at Aspen?
Because they're high rollers!
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.
Q: Why did the wind turbine blush?
A. It broke wind.
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
What do planets like to read?
Comet books.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.
So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
Hey, are you okay-leb?
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What do you get when you spell gibberish backwards?
Gibberish.
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
What does a bowler and a Thanksgiving guest have in common?
They both want a Turkey.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
get nervous when I fly; do you mind if I hold your hand?
An army of werewolves is known as a Fur-eign Legion.
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure?
A complete waist of time.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
I went deep sea diving and a mollusk wanted to give me a hug!
Damn cuddlefish.
Go to BabaMail
