My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.

"I always say “Morning” instead of “Good Morning”. If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people."
– Unknown

Baby, you're so sweet you'd put Hershey's out of business!

How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.

There was a Young Lady of Hull,
Who was chased by a virulent bull;
But she seized on a spade,
And called out, 'Who's afraid?'
Which distracted that virulent bull.

I've done it -- I've done mown the lawn,
But my muscles are aching and torn.
I could swear there are some,
In my legs and my bum,
I've not used since the year I was born.

Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Britney Spears
Britney Spears who?
Knock, knock - oops i did it again.

How should you greet a Ghost? - Long time, no see.

What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!

What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!

Hey there cyclist, is that your kickstand, or are you just happy to see me?

I went to see the Liberty Bell the other day.
It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.

“Dear Monday, my mama doesn’t like you and she likes everyone.”

What do you call hell for potheads?
Canabyss.

Q: What time is it when a tiger walks into the room?
A: Time to get out of the room.

"Parenthood: That state of being better chaperoned than you were before marriage." – Marcelene Cox

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.

Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.

Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.

"Sweet Treat Dream"

If my world were made of chocolate,
I know what I would do.
I'd make a chocolate mountain
And share it all with you.

We'd eat our way up to the top
Until we'd eaten every drop.
Then chocolate clouds and chocolate rain
Would float us back to Earth again.

Chocolate fields and chocolate trees,
Chocolate rivers and chocolate seas,
Chocolate people and chocolate cars,
And houses made of chocolate bars.

Chocolate coats and chocolate hats,
Chocolate dogs and chocolate cats,
Chocolate castles. Oh, what a dream.
I would be known as the Chocolate Queen.

But there's one thing that would never do,
And I know for sure that this is true.
An end would be put to all our fun
If our world had a chocolate sun!

– Gillian M. Ward

Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!

What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!

Hey I am like a Rubik's cube the more you play with me the harder I get!

If you want a loyal marriage, get hitched to a basketball player. He will never pass you, rather he will keep you all to himself.

Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.

I checked the meat thermometer, and you’re officially one hot bird.

What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.

Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.

What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.

It’s snow joke.

What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.

Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.

KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.

When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.

What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.

What is the only animal smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!

I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.

What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!

I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.

What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.

Whats the worst thing about manufacturing tabletops?
It's counterproductive.

As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".

There was an Old Person of Dutton,
Whose head was as small as a button,
So, to make it look big,
He purchased a wig,
And rapidly rushed about Dutton.

I could never Elea-gnor someone so stunning as you

My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.

"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers

I think you might be a star, because I can't stop orbiting around you.

“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen