There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Knock Knock Who's there?
Pecan!
Pecan who?
Pecan somebody your own size!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I ain't no poet, but neither are you.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
What is it called when a cowboy dies and comes back to life?
Reintarnation
I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you.
The roses have wilted,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl is empty,
And so is your head.
Biology - It grows on you.
What do you call it when you get mugged on the vernal equinox?
The first robbin’ of spring!
Did you hear that? They're playing our future song on the speakers!
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group? A: Bananarama!
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Have you ever been fishing in Lake Michigan? 'Cause we should hook up sometime.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
How about you let me take you to the Planetarium? You seem to belong there since your beauty is celestial.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
“Santa owes a lot to his little helpers. You might say he’s an elf-made man.”
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
What's a frog's favorite candy?
Lollihops.
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.
He was Tolkien all the way through.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician says, "Yes."
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
Federal Agents raid gun shop, find weapons
“We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.”
— Unknown
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
Remember when nearly sixteen,
On your very first date as a teen.
At the movies? If yes,
Then I bet you can't guess,
What was shown on the cinema screen.
You use computers.
IPods, mobiles, cameras.
Why not write letters?
I hope for world peas.
You brighten up my day just like the anti-fog spray for my goggles.
Man: Why don't you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Woman: No thanks, I don't like small talk.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
“You should see my corgis at sunset in the snow. It’s their finest hour. About five o’clock they glow like copper. Then they come in and lie in front of the fire like a string of sausages.”
– Tasha Tudor
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
I wanted to buy a $30 meal for my father, my grandfather and father-in-law. I figured they'd lump em all together and charge a reduced fee.
But no, I was charged $30 a pop.
I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I’d rather see than be one.
(Gelett Burgess)
Why couldn't the father afford to take his kids to classical music concerts?
Because he was Baroque
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
Go to BabaMail
