Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.

What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.

A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Get clover it, babe.

“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell

My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.

Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.

After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.

“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner

My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2.
Still to this day, he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!

"I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide."
- Jerry Seinfeld

“You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.”
Jim Carrey

What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The Bogeyman.

My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.

Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.

I hate hard drives...
...they byte

What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.

Let’s put our tulips together.

What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker

Snow joke, the weather is horrible today!

Would you like to upsize your meal and get my number for free today?

Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.

Who are the cousins of the werewolf?
What-wolf and When-wolf

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
Bill Watterson

There was an Old Man of the West,
Who wore a pale plum-coloured vest;
When they said, 'Does it fit?'
He replied, 'Not a bit!'
That uneasy Old Man of the West.

“Sagittarians are not normally sentimental; however, they can get really attached to a favorite sweater that has seen better days.”
— Therrie Rosenvald

What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!

Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down

I've just arrived in Bulgaria. How is it? Sofia, so good.

Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning?
He was a good conductor.

Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.

“Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.” — P.J. O’Rourke

I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.

I read Reims of info before I got here, but nothing can prepare you for how beautiful this place is.

Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.

Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.

“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller

Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!

"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"

How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.

I took my pet tiger to my doctor
Because it had a very bad day.
Now, my tiger’s depression is still there,
But my doctor has gone away.

(Barry Stebbings)

Where do football players go shopping in the offseason? The tackle shop.

"I Hate Peanut Butter"

These words I say without a stutter:
I hate the taste of peanut butter!
In Reese's chocolate it may stay
But keep the butter far away.
It leaves a lump inside my belly,
It's even worse when paired with jelly!
I hate its texture, hate its smell;
If I go near it, I'm unwell.
My family tells me I'm dramatic
But against PB I stay emphatic.
If you're craving butter thick,
You might as well just eat the stick,
Or wear it as a winter coat
But keep it furthest from your throat!
Last time I ate it, things went south;
My tongue got glued inside my mouth!
If you include it in my lunch,
I'll very likely throw a punch.
I'd gladly eat a Brussels sprout
But keep the peanut butter out!

– Innarenko

What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.

My lips are like skittles. Wanna taste the rainbow?

I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch