Does anything come after April A?
May B!
Do you have the power of a volcano? Because I lava you!
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
My dad always said, “Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
I was taking care of my friend’s snake while he was on vacation, but somehow it crawled into our freezer and died.
I asked my wife, “What should I tell him?”
“Just give it to him straight.”
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Italy!
Italy who?
Italy all over in the morning.
Excuse me, may I have this mating dance?
In every corny joke,
There is a kernel of truth.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
What do you call ten arctic hares hopping backward through the snow?
A receding hare line.
If two vampires have a race, will it be neck and neck?
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Did you hear about the guy who was beaten by the King?
It’s a sore subject.
“I Thought He Was Going to Kill Me”: One Woman’s Harrowing Misunderstanding of How Haircuts Work
My pants are approaching escape velocity.
Hi, I'm Mr. Right.
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What do you call it when dress up like a cowboy?
Ranch dressing
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
Brother: "My friend John is in Greece studying abroad."
My Dad: "What's her name?"
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
“I’ve got 99 problems and I’m gonna go to yoga and solve about 53 of them.” -Unknown
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
When the basketball realized all the checks were bouncing, he decided to visit the bank himself to find out.
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?
Go to BabaMail
