I’m so adjective, I verb noun.

An intrepid explorer named Petty,
Intended to capture a yeti.
But the yeti yelled, Freeze!
I’ve a gun—on your knees,
While my Dad gets the ring and confetti.

A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen".
The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them".
Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "Nice going. The computer is completely screwed now."

What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.

What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.

What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."

“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.

My roommates insist that our house is haunted
I’ve lived here for 274 years and never once met a ghost.

Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.

Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.

What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!

Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Rabbit.
Rabbit who?
Rabbit up carefully, it's a present!

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a person who makes pots?
Harry Potter

“She says you’re not awake until you’re actually out of bed and standing up.”
– Richelle Mead

Child’s Death Ruins Couple’s Holiday

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

There was an Old Person of Berlin,
Whose form was uncommonly thin;
Till he once, by mistake,
Was mixed up in a cake,
So they baked that Old Man of Berlin.

Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.

A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.

Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.

What did the Japanese skeleton put in his sushi?
Bone-ito flakes.

All prominent werewolf movies are produced in howl-lywood.

Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.

“I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”

- Percy French.

“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan

Ooh, you look boo-tilicious!

What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle

Q. Which deer prison is escape proof?
A. Elk-atraz.

I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it

I can’t believe such a perfect match could Alexis-t

What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws?
He was given two consecutive sentences.

On Halloween night in the year 1804
Costumed as a witch, I knocked on a door
Now it's plain to see
A spell was cast on me
I became a frog, hopping on the floor

Years of Hallowed nights had all passed by
I was growing weary but had to try
to find a Prince to kiss
and the spell I could dis
Not one of the snooty royals would comply

I once sought the lips of a Prince Charming
Until fat frogs appeared to be swarming
All reaching for my lips
Such an apolcalypse
It was disgusting and quite alarming

In 1942 I trick-Or-Treated with Prince Chris
Who refused to smooch. Ah, I reminisce
So, I remained a frog
In a swamp, on a log
Because Chris said he was really a 'miss'

Halloween 2022, and what am I to do?
Over a century I've been sad and blue
A Prince to touch my lips
To stroke my curvy hips
Is there a man who'll kiss me among you?

- by Jenna Logan

Your earrings are the mirrors which reflect the moonlight into your eyes.

Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing

Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.

What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!

Did you know Doctor Frankenstein used to be a lonely, lonely man?
Then he learned how to make friends.

Never laugh at your spouse’s choice… You’re one of them.

Why did Mr. and Mrs. Barnacle go to couples' counselling?
Because their marriage was the rocks.

Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.

I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing but this is as close as I could get.

Air resistance is a real drag.

Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.

Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.

Yo girl are you the 29th state added to America?
Because Iowanna be with anybody else

Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?

The Cherokees.

I think you're barbe-cute.

My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!