Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
You’re the only rein-dear for me.
Last night at dinner we had some fish,
and though I tried, I did not finish.
My mother told me while I chewed,
brains loved fish over all other food.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?
The hip replacement guy!
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
My heart is as desolate as Saskatchewan without you.
Wow you’re the most beautiful girl I Eva seen
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Why was the marathon runner plucked out of the race and taken away to jail?
For resisting a rest.
You are my belongingness to my Maslow's Humanistic Theory based on the Hierarchy of needs.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
You should dress up as a baker for Halloween with that set of buns.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
Hey girl, you sure float my Ark.
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What do bony people use to get into their homes?
A skeleton key.
What do you call a werewolf YouTuber?
A lycansubscribe
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
You're so beautiful, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of you.
It's almost Summer! Time to find out what my friends with swimming pools have been up to since last summer...
Your treat or mine?
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
I know the difference between "less" and "fewer," but don't worry, you won't have to ask me for either of them.
Jim ordered a racehorse online
A thoroughbred sold in it's prime.
Now just for a laugh
They sent a giraffe
But it wins by a neck every time.
(Ray Gridley)
I really can't finish a box of strawberries all by myself, Would you like to share with me over some wine?
Turns out my dad who’s a locksmith still has to go to work during lockdown.
He’s a key worker, you see.
What is a tornado's favorite Elton John song? Candle in the Wind!
I’m trying to find a date for this weekend…do you Noah guy?
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone’s favorite season? Fall.
I like milk and cookies but I would rather have you.
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
“You are in control. Never allow your Monday to be manic.”
— Andrea L’Artiste
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
Go to BabaMail
